New Year's Day Superstition

People across the globe trust in certain superstitions related to New Year's Day. Underlying idea behind most of these superstitions is that events occurring on New Year's Day sets the pattern for the rest of the year. According to customs prevalent in their society, people perform auspicious acts to invite Lady Luck and ward off evil.

Given here are some of the most astonishing and popular New Year Superstitions:

KISS AT MIDNIGHT: We kiss those dearest to us at midnight not only to share a moment of celebration with our favorite people, but also to ensure those affections and ties will continue throughout the next 12 months. To fail to smooch our significant others at the stroke of twelve would be to set the stage for a year of coldness. Okay, this is interesting. So kissing random strangers up in the bar does what? According to this, be un-cold to several people you barely know. Woo hoo…good times! I will of course kiss those nearest and dearest to me provided I don’t have to go looking for him as I did last time.

FIRST FOOTING: One must never leave the home before someone comes in first. First footer in the house should be ushered in with a warm welcome, be tall, dark and handsome and should not have flat feet, cross-eyes or eyebrows stretching out to meet in the middle. It would be even better if he came bearing certain small gifts such as a lump of coal, a silver coin, a bit of bread, a sprig of evergreen and some salt. Blonde and redhead first footer bring bad luch and female first footers should be shooed away before they bring disaster down on the household. Aim a gun at them if you have to, but don’t let them near your door before a man crosses the threshold. After the first footer greets everyone in the house and dropped off his gifts, he should make his way through the house and leave by a different door then he came in. I have a husband and a future son-in-law I will rent you cheap! I need to make sure though that Sara’s tweezed RJ’s uni-brow recently. I don’t really know any blondes, coz the blondes I thought I knew are actually brunettes. As for women, there’s only Sara, and maybe Allyson who would actually come over, but my girls are smart and like their sleep, so they’ll stay to the house.

FOOD: In Southern part of the United States it is said that eating of black-eyed peas on New Year's Day will attract both general good luck and money in particular to the one doing the dining. Other lucky foods are lentil soup (coz they look like coins) and pork-because poultry scratches backwards, a cow stands still and pigs root forward. Greens are also considered lucky. Got to get the peas, I already have a ham and collard greens and there will no eating of poultry in my house tomorrow. I forbid it! I wonder what will happen if you eat cake, coz cake is made with eggs…I don’t think I’ll risk it. It has really been an awful year except for one or two little happy moments.

DON’T LET MONEY LEAVE THE HOUSE: In several countries, people do not let money, jewelry, precious items or other invaluable things leave home on New Year Day. Hence it is said that one should not pay loans and bills or lend things to anybody. No chance of that….we should have a really good year~

NOTHING GOES OUT: People go to the extent of not taking out garbage or even not dusting their carpets on this day to ensure that nothing goes out of home during the year. If you have to deliver presents on New Year morning, it is advised to leave them in the car.. In case you must take something out from the home, let someone come with the present inside the house first. Note to self: take trash to the road tonight. Do I have any presents that need to be delivered? Hmmm, I don’t think so, Tim. Just some books for Sebastian, but I can drop those off Saturday.

DO NOT WASH DISHES OR DO LAUNDRY: In several societies washing dishes and doing laundry on New Year's day is said to lead to a death in the family during the year. Many people do not even wash hair on New Year’s Day. Yay, an authorized day off by the pagan heathens of the past. There will be no washing tomorrow…none, I tell you!

WEAR NEW CLOTHES: People believe that one should wear new clothes on a New Year's Day. This would mean receiving more new garments during the year. Red clothing is preferred for New Year’s Day since red is considered a happy color and is sure to attract the wearer to a brighter future. I can wear my new zebra shirt…so much easier to blend in that way LOL—wait it’s not red. Perhaps, I’ll go buy red drawers…yep, that’s what I’ll do. A red, sparkly thong…my sister, cousins, children and son-in-laws just cringed…good times!

AVOID CRYING: It is said that one should avoid breaking things or crying and wailing on the first day of the year, if you don't want to continue the pattern for the entire year. I don’t cry as a rule, so this one should be easy. I wonder if it’s okay to be pissy. Coz I can be pissy if I try…yes, don’t shake your head, I can get quite pissy when I am provoked.

BE POLITE: People say that one should behave nicely on New Year and must refrain from using foul language. Toughie…maybe everyone should leave the house and let me be alone tomorrow and I shouldn’t play Coffee Buzz. It will occasionally elicit the ‘f’ word out of me.

WATCH WHAT YOU TALK ABOUT: Ghost stories and conversations on death should also be avoided. I’m the ghost of Able Gable, leave the money on the table….

LETTING THE OLD YEAR OUT: At midnight, all the doors of the house must be opened to let the old year escape unimpeded. Let’s look at this for a moment…I live in 4 Seasons. I don’t believe it wise to open my doors at midnight. The neighborhood thugs might rob me and then money would leave the house, and I wouldn’t be polite, and someone might cry and I’ve seen some of those children…they ain’t pretty, so my whole year will be screwed. Maybe I’ll just make the Old Year a pallet in the corner with a lump of coal and a ham bone. He’ll be happy, I know he will.

STOCK UP CUPBOARDS AND WALLETS: It is believed that cupboards stocked up with food and wallets and purses full of money bring prosperity in New Year. Similarly, empty pockets or empty cupboards on New Years Eve portend a year of poverty. Pantry appears to be stocked, fridge is full and I need to go get some cash…I’m covered.

DO TOKEN AMOUNT OF WORK: It is said that one must do token amount of work on the New Year's Day. This is said to ensure advancement in career. But starting out a serious work project is unlucky on New Year’s Day. I'll get right on that

MAKE NOISE: People believe that Evil One and his attendants and servants hate din and loud noise. So, scare them away by being as loud in New Year celebrations as possible. Church bells are rung at midnight for the same reason. I can make some noise, especially if I have to go looking for Fodder at midnight. That ought to scare the Devil out of somebody…

DON’T KEEP DEBTS: Pay your bills and loans before New Year Eve, so you don't have any debt left for New Year. Sadly, the debts shall remain and be our true blue friends for at least another year. Unless I win the lottery tonight and then I may be able to do it.

THE DIRECTION OF THE WIND: The direction of wind during sunrise on New Year morning prophesies about the coming year. Wind from south foretells fine weather and prosperous times ahead while wind from north foretells bad weather. Wind blowing from east foretells natural calamities and wind from west foretells plenty of milk and fish for all but death of a person of great national importance. No wind means joy and prosperity throughout the year. Whatever, I’m not getting up at sunrise after welcoming in the New Year. I’ll just wait and hear it on the news.

DANCE IN THE OPEN AIR: To dance in the open air, especially round a tree, on New Year's Day ensures luck in love and prosperity and freedom from ill health during the coming twelve months. The neighbors ought to love that. Drive by my house tomorrow, I will be putting on my boogie shoes and getting down with my bad self right next to the snowmen. Get down, get down, get down…

DRAIN THE BOTTLE: You could ensure yourself good fortune by draining the last dregs from a bottle of drink on New Years! I will buy my bottle of Smirnoff, chug all but a swallow and then drink my backwash right after midnight. Yum-mee!

Topic of the Day-Gossip

It’s that time again…woo hoo! Time for my interpretation of quotes, both the inconsequential and the truly deep.

The topic of the day is gossip…always MY personal favorite of all things. I have a huge yen for privacy. My business is my quite simply my business. Let me give you a little background. In the house I grew up in, privacy was a HUGE issue. You didn’t discuss family business with anyone—that meant grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, teachers, best friends…no one. What you heard in our house, even if it was about grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, teachers, or best friends, you didn’t discuss it once you stepped outside the front door. In short, you kept shit to yourself. However, I married into a very OPEN family, which has on occasion been a challenge. The only one of my children who is as militantly private as I am is Sara. There’s nothing wrong with being open and sharing and what not, it’s just not me. Therefore, when I find out that Clarke-Douglas business is being bandied about town and learning that occasionally my doings are the topic of the day, it miffs me. Now I know some of you out there are saying “Bitch, you air your dirty laundry in your blogs all the time”. BUT that’s not really dirty laundry. That’s more like a towel you used once to dry your hands laundry, not underwear worn 3 days in a row laundry. And I NEVER use names, just obscure references…it’s kind of like Law & Order, the names have been changed to protect the guilty and any similarities to persons living or dead are purely intentional. So there…

Anyway, getting back to my quotes—they’re mostly about gossip, but gossip is just the voice of violated privacy, right?

1) What you don't see with your eyes, don't witness with your mouth. ~Jewish Proverb Basically, this means if you weren’t in the room giving directions and helpful critiques of the performance, you don’t know for a fact that Dick and Jane were doing the Posturpoedic Polka, even if one of them told you they were. Like Jane would actually do Dick…please, as if!

2) What is told in the ear of a man is often heard 100 miles away. ~Chinese Proverb I don’t know about that, but I do know that it can be heard across town…or down the street…or in the neighbor’s yard

3) No one gossips about other people's secret virtues. ~Bertrand Arthur William Russell, On Education, 1926 Now, I don’t know about that…a virtue is by definition any praiseworthy quality or trait, so if you’re whispering that someone is a devoted secret drinker, or a dedicated home-wrecking whore, or even a thoroughly sincere hypocritical twat, you are indeed talking about SECRET virtues.

4) If you reveal your secrets to the wind, you should not blame the wind for revealing them to the trees. ~Kahlil Gibran, Sand and Foam That means when you’re screaming on the Nextel in the grocery aisle at Walmart or yelling at your man in the middle of a polite get together with friends and 400 strangers, don’t be surprised if it comes back to haunt you a skoosh.

5) When you are in trouble, people who call to sympathize are really looking for the particulars. ~Edgar Watson Howe, Country Town Sayings, 1911 How are you, Sharon? How’s your sister? Still crazy? How’s your Mom? Is her health any better? How’s Katelyn? How are the grandbabies? How are Sara and RJ? Any news about what happened? My standard answers are “fine, fine, no, fine, yep, fine, beautiful, fine, no”—my actual, yet never uttered responses are as follows “like you care, you don’t know her so its not really relevant to you is it, like you’re one to talk, call her and ask her yourself, no she treats her body like a honky tonk but she’s grown, not pregnant, gorgeous beautiful brilliant heathens who I adore to the depth of my soul, I never see them so I’m presuming they’re good, none of your God-damned business you nosy bitch”. This is of course only said in my head in answer to people who don’t know or love me and mine and could give a shit how we are. They just want to hear bad news and woe and crap. Sorry, seek that shit down the road.

6) The easiest way to keep a secret is without help. ~Author Unknown But when you have help keeping your secrets? Good Lord, save me from myself! They’ll either use those secrets to their own advantage or, well...that’s the only reason I can think of. Blackmail, personal gain, shock value or just good ol’ plain entertainment.

7) Whoever gossips to you will gossip about you. ~Spanish Proverb Gossip is like adultery…if she’ll do it with you, she’ll do it to you. It bites the ass, but there you have it. And you know what? Then that person will turn around and tell everyone how it was all you, she never intended to do that, you led her into it, it was an accident, it just happened…hmmm, yep, I’m still talking about gossip, had to check. LOL, funny, I never thought of how closely they corresponded to each other.

8) Gossip needn't be false to be evil - there's a lot of truth that shouldn't be passed around. ~Frank A. Clark Shall we begin? Or should we just take it on faith that you don’t really want to see my warts on the off chance I’ll start pointing out yours?

9) It is one of my sources of happiness never to desire a knowledge of other people's business. ~Dolley Madison I really truly don’t want to know of other peoples misfortunes or smut or mistakes. I don’t want to hear about folks having money troubles, when someone’s girlfriend switches teams, or playing wake and bake in the morning before driving to work. I really truly only want to see people in the light I want to be seen in. I like knowing about babies, or making the honor roll, or a funny story about a slip of the tongue as long as no one was horribly embarrassed to the point of social phobia. That’s what I want to hear…okay, I admit I like to hear about certain people falling and busting their asses in public, but that’s just a newsflash, not gossip. There’s a difference.

10)To find out a girl's faults, praise her to her girlfriends. ~Benjamin Franklin And believe me, no matter how tight you and your bff are, give her half a chance and she will tell your business and talk about you like you never shared a late night bull session discussing whether or not size matters and who has the better flip-flops.

11) It isn't what they say about you, it's what they whisper. ~Errol Flynn Out loud- “She’s a nice person and has such a great smile” then whispered right after “too bad she’s such a slut and the sound of her voice makes my skin want to peel off”. Alrighty then…And why do they whisper? They obviously want to share. Its easier to share with more people if you’re really loud, which is what I aspire to be. Ah, dreams.

12) There are persons who, when they cease to shock us, cease to interest us. ~F.H. Bradley, Aphorisms Bored, bored, bored…but that’s just me. Obviously, I am one fascinating human being and provide hours of quality entertainment for the micro-brained

13) Who brings a tale takes two away. ~Irish Proverb This is so true…I am always very careful when I’m listening to someone run someone else into the ground to make sure I don’t contribute to the pot of goo they are spewing. Nothing makes me more angry than to hear a perfectly innocent remark that I made like “I didn’t know he got new shoes” preceded by the dreaded words “well, Sharon said”. I say I didn’t know he got new shoes and it turns into “well, Sharon said that he didn’t tell her he was going shopping and then he came back with new shoes, which they couldn’t afford, she can’t remember the last time she got anything new, but he didn’t ask her about it and who is she that he has to answer to her and she’s really become a ball-breaking bitch and poor…what? I don’t know where they were when he told her, probably the bar, well, Sharon said he’d been hanging out without her a lot here lately, she probably thinks he’s running around, but who knows…”

14) Men have always detested women's gossip because they suspect the truth: Their measurements are being taken and compared. ~Erica Jong That’s right, men, we are comparing and contrasting and exaggerating to beat the band so it’s in your best interest to stay on our good side so that we’ll lie on the positive side, turning you into an insatiable breath-taking circus freak who brings us breakfast in bed.

15) The best way to keep one's word is not to give it. ~Napoleon I, Maxims This one is very simple, but so you know how many lives have been shoved down the craphole by the words “you can tell me, I promise I won’t tell anyone else, ever? One or 3, I’m sure.

16) The biggest liar in the world is They Say. ~Douglas Malloch I believe this person lives in Okeechobee and may be related to me. I just want to know who they are, coz I would like to have a conversation and maybe kick they ass.

17) Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. ~Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanack, July 1735 My favorite of all quotes because it is so true unless you have 3 or more people living in your head and then one of those crazy bitches will slip and tell the world all your crap, usually in a blackout blog that she doesn’t remember writing, or in a cozy tete-a-tete in a restaurant hallway or by the ever so casual, on-purpose slip of the tongue. I can’t take #3 anywhere, big-mouthed huzz that she is!

18) There are a terrible lot of lies going about the world, and the worst of it is that half of them are true. ~Winston Churchill Every person reading this has a truth dipped in lies and covered up with sparkles to keep others from knowing the total truth about something. Right now, I can think of 3 things I wouldn’t want anyone other than me to know. What about you? It’s not that they’re illegal, immoral, or just bad…doesn’t really matter. To me they’re just something I don’t want anyone to know. Maybe someone shoplifted tampons. Maybe a guy looked at another man’s ass and said “dammit, man”. Or maybe you just want to kick the blind kid in line in front of you just because he always gets to be first. Not the coolest things to admit, but they’re real and true and worse than some of the baddest lies you can tell.

I resolve to speak ill of no man whatever, not even in a matter of truth; but rather by some means excuse the faults I hear charged upon others, and upon proper occasions speak all the good I know of everybody. ~Benjamin Franklin

This is what I aspire to

Completely Random Thoughts

Thoughts brought on by the futility of it all…
1) When is too much?
2) How do you just stop being a parent? Especially when babies are involved?
3) Am I not seeing things clearly? All these people that claim to be family are only really family at Christmas and funerals…I think I am going to have to call bullshit on that and realize that my family consists of those I was born to, lived with and gave birth to. I will exclude Janine from that as she is the bomb.
4) My new contacts prescription sucks. I need reading glasses for everything now.
5) I relax when I hold babies, come to work or hug people I love. Otherwise, my shoulders are up under my damn ears, I’m so tense. And does anyone care? No, no, no…as long as I do my chores and mind my p’s & q’s. Feels like I’m a child living at home again. Ah, the irony.
6) I give the eff up
7) So my life isn’t interesting? Try living it.
8) My New Year’s Resolution- the most important one is to exercise daily. Gym, here I come, masses be warned.
9) 30 days til I see my sister again. Hopefully, I will be able to do more than bully her into drinking water and walk down the hallway.
10) Next Christmas…I’m spending on the couch, cuddled up and watching movies and that’s it. No Christmas Eve party, no Christmas day get together, I mean it. When you no longer think of Christmas as a happy time, but rather a day to dread that has lost all the spirit and true meaning of the Season, I say move on. Bah, effing humbug!
11) This cough is exhausting and so painful. Perhaps it pneumonia…
12) Gabriella Eryn Shea Villarreal, that’s a mouthful no matter who you are. Gabby is great for a quick holler.
13) I don’t know if Lili will like Gabby or not. I’m thinking not.
14) I need a tattoo with my children and grandchildren’s names on it
15) I’m tired and I want to nut up, but I don’t have the time or money to do it and who would care anyway?

Top Ten #1

Do I only blog when I’m unhappy? Do I only have interesting things to say when my little apple cart has been upset, or when I’m embroiled in a middle school psycho drama that is not of my own or on the odd occasion when my good intentions have been misunderstood as disrespectful and predatory? Hmmmm…
Therefore, once a week, I am going to do a "Top 10 Reasons My Life Doesn’t Suck" list. Doesn’t that sound like fun?
1. My family is mostly healthy and they are all beautiful except for that third cousin twice removed living in the Louisiana swamp on a pontoon boat slash modified half-wide with his baby mama and her mouth-breathing boyfriend. He’s not too cute, but he does the best he can with a lazy eye and his striking resemblance to a weiner dog.
2. No one close to me, including me, has been arrested this week.
3. I didn’t die in a fiery plane crash when I went to visit my sister.
4. I lost 7 pounds when I visited my sister. Visiting her is the best diet in the world. Even when she’s healthy, she won’t feed me. They eat a lot of noodles and cereal at her house and I just can’t do it. It’s sad how hungry I get at the home of someone who loves me so much, but hey, my jeans fit better when I get home.
5. My bills are mostly paid.
6. Belle (the granddog) is soooo thrilled with my being home, it’s hysterical. Every time I walk in the room, she dances around on her hind legs and barks.
7. Roddy and I both have jobs and don’t currently hate them.
8. I know I am loved…it may not be said often or directly, but I know it for a fact and that’s all that matters.
9. I didn’t freeze off any necessary body parts while I was in Kansas.
10. I am the proud possessor of at least 150 snowman themed Christmas items…that rocks….right? Or is that as lame and sad as I think it is?
Looking back over this list is semi-depressing. I am lucky and blessed and I know it!
1) Got to see my friend Mindy after 28 years…wow! She is amazing and funny and gorgeous (you know you are, quit shaking your head). Too cool!!!!
2) Baby to be born soon, little Miss Rylee, didn’t have to be induced after all, but gets to stay in her warm comfy waterbed for at least another week.
3) Sara George got a 92 on her Marine Biology final…she rocks like Van Halen.
4) Grady can say "I love you, Nanny"—that’s super dee duper dee.

Completely Random Thoughts- Part 9

Thoughts brought on by…who the Hell knows?
1) I hate my underwear
2) Forgot to de-puff my eyes this morning, I look like a inept prize fighter
3) Just tweezed my 3 errant eyebrows
4) Sometimes the power of the "vibe" amazes even me
5) I know that quite a few people find procedures and guidelines unnecessary and pointless, but for those of us who like structure, those things are like air and it pisses me the hell off when folks don’t follow the rules!!!!
6) Yeh, I know, life’s not fair…yada yada yada
7) My ear is so stuffed up; sounds like people are talking to me underwater and there’s a lot of static
8) Crotch jewelry…what’s the point? No one ever sees it and lace panties are not compatible
9) Poor Dee Dee, they make her life hell here. She should dot more people in the eye, in my opinion.
10) Really must attend more slumber parties…what a ball that was!
11) My ears are so sore.
12) Did not have time to do my hair this morning…lets just say it’s exhibiting its on personality today
13) Looking forward to Black Friday and Christmas shopping. Still don’t know what I’m getting Lili…something non-lethal to newborns is probably a good idea.
14) So only simple food today—oatmeal, salad, cottage cheese—maybe my stomach and ghost gall bladder will calm down then
15) 3 more things added to the "Sharon can’t eat it or she’ll feel like she’s dying" list—hot dogs, roasted marshmallows and anything fried. Sometimes the cure is worse than the illness, but I have to bite the bullet for the tummy’s sake. Being an old grown up sucks.
16) Roddy’s already making plans for running amok when I’m gone on vacation in January. I would worry, but he’s already tainted, so what’s a few more swabs of ick? LOL Just kidding, Fodder, I know it washes off…..
17) I guess salad is going to be disagreeable today as well—crap, I am SO tired of having a stomachache.
18) I wonder if eliminating my stress would help my stomach? Hmmm, point to ponder.
19) This day is passing so slowly…I guess the rest of the week will too. Holiday weeks are that way, aren’t they?
20) My frown won’t go upside down.
21) Sighing deeply isn’t helping today
22) Will it never be Friday?
23) Okay, beet salad….canned beets (yummy), hard-boiled eggs and mayo…is it just me or is this the most disgusting concoction known to man? The pink shade it turns is roughly the hue of Kaopectate…blech!!!!!!!!!! At least I get to bring something homemade for a change
24) Crystallized ginger is a lot harder to find than you would think

Country Music-My Take

Country Music Songs- Just My Take
I love country music…grew up on, breathe it, eat it, love the heck out of it. I enjoy other music too, but my musical roots are country. Occasionally, however, the message of the song makes me do a double take and say "what the….!". Lets take a look at my favorite ones…
1. Whoever’s in New England (by Reba McEntire)- "When whoever’s in New England’s through with you and Boston finds better things to do, you know it’s not too late and you’ll always have a place to come back to"…. I don’t think so, Sir! When that frigid Yankee skank is done with you, don’t be bringing your nappy ass home to me…as if!
2. Just To Hear You Say That You Love Me (by Faith and Tim) –Okay, can we say codependent? They have drugs to help with that now. I mean, if I have to jump through hoops, rope moons, or turn my head so much that sucker’s swiveling like a gyroscope just so that can I hear some undeserving yahoo say "I love you", then I need someone to kick me in the ass.
3. Stay (by Sugarland)—Do I even need to say it? "You keep saying that there will come a time, you will leave her arms and forever be in mine, but I don’t think that’s the truth and I don’t like being used and I’m tired of waiting" She is doing the Posturpedic Polka with another woman’s husband and seems confused that he would lie to her…HELLO! Fortunately, she comes to her senses at the end, but I feel she is missing the point…"it’s too much pain to have to bear, to love a man you have to share"—you’re not sharing, you homewrecking ho, you are stealing, big difference. It’s only sharing if everybody knows what’s going on.
4. Now I Know (Lari White)—"I always wondered how’d I live without you if you ever said goodbye"…I know, I know (raising my hand) oooo, maybe get a life of your own? Staggering, I know, but others have done it and survived.
That’s all for now, just had to vent on it a little. Warning: this week will not be cheery and upbeat…the holidays wreak havoc on me. But stay tuned for the ever escalating doom, gloom and bad will towards all and to a few in particular.

Completely Random Thoughts - Part 8

Thoughts brought on by songs on my computer
1) Just thinking that its funny how I have all the resolve and self-control anyone in the world would ever need, but one song can make me lose all of my home-training with the thoughts it brings to fore and the reactions to the thoughts…sigh, Donny Osmond, what a trouble-maker
2) I’m in a place I never thought I’d be
3) Dee Dee went home sick and took her funk with her, thank God. I can absolutely not afford to catch anything, literally.
4) I must go home and cook dinner tonite, people are starving (or at least a little tired of leftovers)
5) My little man is growing like a weed. He looks like Katelyn at that age, all arms and legs, tall as a tree. There is absolutely no baby fat on him at all.
6) If I keep calling Lili ‘Princess’, will she grow up a conceited mess? I don’t think so, I just think she’ll believe she’s all that and a bag of chips…as she should.
7) 64 days til I see my sister….Yay! Happy, happy day! This time I have a whole 8 ½ days with her which includes two weekends. That is so awesome, you can’t believe it. Wonder what we’ll do? She’ll probably sleep a lot, like always, I’ll cook a lot, like always, and we’ll chill. Maybe see a movie, maybe go to the ½ price bookstore (LOVE that place), maybe go to the scrapbook store (no, say it ain’t so), we might even scrapbook a little. Oooo, maybe antique shopping in Weston, or go to Central and get a new sweatshirt….oh, the possibilities.
8) Fairly cold at the moment
9) Someone IS touching the pudgy Pilgrim people. Does no one remember the rule? DO NOT TOUCH SHARON’S CRAP….EVER! Stupid heads, just wait until I catch who’s doing it, I’ll hand him his ass in a shovel.
10) Kissing you was not what I had planned…Jack Wagner, how I love thee!
11) Drinking diet Mountain Dew makes my eyes go all funky.
12) Working on a couple of dialogues in my head. Perfecting the delivery and all that is important, you know.
13) Waking up at 5:55 when you have to leave for work at 6 a.m. is not conducive to good hair
14) Still can’t decide what to take to the Thanksgiving get together. Doesn’t really matter anyway, no one’s going to eat it. Maybe I should just take rolls and sodas and count myself lucky.
15) Who would eat Kraft mac & cheese when they can have homemade?
16) I wish the construction business would pick up soon; its starting to worry me
17) I’ll be glad when they finish my floor, I need to bake
18) Just ate some more chicken so I should be laying eggs soon
19) Butterscotch coffee, does that sound good? It did at first, but now it just seems icky.
20) When I finally have an empty nest, I am going to sit on the floor in my bikini with socks on and alternately cry and laugh hysterically.
21) If your frequency is already infrequent, what happens when that becomes sporadic as well? Do you bite the bullet and just call it non-existent.
22) Making spaghetti and salad for dinner tonight
23) Just for fun, think of movie titles (or song titles) and replace one of the words with the word "booty". It’s hysterical and a great way to pass the time when you’re driving or working…ooops, I mean with time on your hands. Example—Another One Bites the Booty (lol) or A Few Good Booties …soooooo much fun
24) My wooden shelf fell off the wall last nite and a lot of my treasures got broken. I am so sad about it, but there’s no one to blame. Most of them are so smushed that they can’t even be glued back together.
25) Here come the holidays…ready to wrap, bake, fuss and fume.
26) If I could have sweet tea run intravenously, I would.
27) People who are educated beyond their intelligence frustrate me
28) The weather must be a-changing; my elbow feels stiff
29) I need a Coke and a smile
30) I hate it when people call me ‘honey’- do I look like an enormous pile of bee shit? How hard it is to say miss, or ma’am or even (gasps!) Sharon?
31) Do grown women have stuffed bunnies in their bedrooms?
32) If I only worked a couple of hours a day, I’d probably have a tidier house, cook dinner more often and would have conquered Laundry Mountain…or I’d just have grandbabies at the house all the time and run amok with them
33) OMG, b.o.! How hard is it to wash your pits, people?
34) How do you ‘break it’ to someone gently?
35) I should do a mud mask—I don’t feel glow-y right today

Completely Random Thoughts - Part 7

Thoughts brought on by the sight and/or mention of tattoos
1) I need Botox, microdermabrasion and everything lifted
2) Age is only a number—maybe, but a really high number that just keeps getting higher
3) I hate it when I make good decisions in my head but lack the wherewithal to carry them out
4) Much as I love quality time with myself, I would settle for quantity here lately
5) Occasionally its just not enough
6) The hair is weird today. I think it prefers the flat iron
7) I want to be around grown-up folks
8) I feel all achy and nauseous and LOST today—hormones, gotta love ‘em
9) Spiraling, spiraling down to the deep dark black
10) I am going to hit Leslie in the mouth with my fist
11) I don’t understand grown women who want to dress alike, get the same haircut, etc. I haven’t wanted to match anyone since I was 7 years old and my best friend got a new pair of saddle oxfords
12) The longer I fight it, the harder its going to be
13) I brought chili for lunch yesterday and I have beans today…poor Dee Dee
14) I need a 5 hour energy drink or three
15) Apparently, the more polite I become, the more frightening I am
16) I used the "f" word and the "c" word together, I’m going to hell (but I was provoked)
17) I am so tired of waiting for my star to fall, I could cry
18) Early mornings are so tiresome
19) Finished all of the Twilight books, sigh, I love vampire books
20) I love the way my hair gets all full and bushy when its cold
21) Yippee ki aaaaaa, Cow Patty , I can’t believe the things that used to pass as music back in the day. Examples—Short People, Cheeseburger in Paradise, and the forever tragic Disco Duck.
22) It’s chilly in south Florida today…48 degrees and sunny. There is actually a severe weather alert for us, with a wind chill advisory and a fire weather alert. The wind chill drops the temp down to 43…be still, my frozen heart.
23) Would two non-snugglers snuggle if it got really cold?
24) Chicken and stuffing for dinner tonight, yummy, perhaps with a green bean or 2
25) Got to go see the babies after work, apparently Lili has a toe issue and Katelyn can’t figure out what’s wrong
26) All I want for Christmas is an external hard drive or a digital camera since mine was stolen. That’s all I want…
27) Beans and rice, beans and rice, once or twice or maybe thrice, beans and rice is nice…. Schoolhouse Rock, circa 1976
28) I think someone is playing with the portly Pilgrim people when I’m not at my desk
29) I want to win the lottery so I can have a day off
30) Little glimpses into someone else’s life are refreshing, educational and a little disturbing sometimes
31) No one wants to believe that they are responsible for specific negative outcomes, but if the flip-flop fits, wear it
32) Speaking of flip-flops, there’s a new thing out called a Fit Flop and I want it
33) My penny loafers just broke, time to sew them up
34) I wonder….
35) I’ll be better when I’m older
36) Grady has to have his tonsils out, poor little man
37) I need to remember to layer, coz I’m wearing a sweater and its making me hotter than a $2 ho-ah.
38) I need to buy batteries; none of my things have a charge
39) I feel the need for khaki pants and perhaps a skirt. Feeling very preppy today.
40) Button, button, button—what a good idea
41) I’ve been sneezing for the last 15 minutes; perhaps I have a cold
42) Not looking forward to next week
43) Gonna try to do the Black Friday shopping thing next Friday morning. Haven’t been in years, but Mama (that would be me) needs a new digi camera
44) I think Lili needs a baby stroller for Christmas and some BIG pink Legos—is that gender typing or just good gifts?
45) Can’t wait until I can get in the kitchen and start doing my Christmas cookie thing
46) Got to remember to start collecting addresses for my Christmas cards
47) Should I send a card to the same people I sent one last year? LOL, I don’t think some people appreciated my crafty efforts…but I guess you’ll have that from time to time.

Completely Random Thoughts- Part 6

All because Roddy said "catch ‘em"
1) I don’t think Fodder realizes how hard I work at holding back
2) Confession is good for the soul, but it’s not too good for the nose
3) Cramps hurt…damn apple
4) All my jibes and innuendo are supposed to be non-specific, but how many two-timing, home-wrecking whores do I know?
5) When I’m bad, I’m very, very bad, but when I’m good, I’m BORING
6) Flip flops are funny things…
7) I wonder how many lives are ruined in the pursuit of mediocre ass?
8) Men choose their partners for many reasons—beautiful eyes, heart-shaped ass, sparkling personality. I wonder what its like to realize you were picked because you reek of crazy?
9) When you clear your conscience at someone else’s expense, does it really do you any good?
10) HATE my hair today
11) Eating oatmeal is so good for my tummy—all warm and non-wheat related
12) Playing nice is great for children who like playing games…but I’m grown, so what are the benefits to me?
13) To everything (turn, turn, turn) there is a season (turn, turn, turn) and a time for every purpose under Heaven J
14) I swear, the weather starts getting a little cool and all the fellas try to grow a beard and beards are like being bald…not everyone has the head for it.
15) I need to buy stock in Perdue, I eat so much damn chicken
16) Its not as much fun as I thought it would be, taking the bit and running with it. Something about being ALLOWED to be hateful just takes all the fun out of being a bitch.
17) Lust is fickle
18) Hell hath no fury like a flipflop discarded before all the snap is out of its sole.
19) I’m really having to work on this whole retribution and payback thing. I guess Roddy’s advice to get over IT and move the f*ck on really hit home. Or else I’m just at peace with IT….or I’ve found new avenues of interest…or I’ve decided everything is even. Nah, that can’t be it. Maybe I just got bored with the whole thing. Seems to happen to YOU a lot…LOL
20) I’m glad my world extends beyond the Okeechobee County line. Think how small and petty and dull my life would be if it were that limited
21) I have the munchies today
22) "The next time I go looking for my heart’s desire, I won’t look any further than my own backyard"….Dorothy, The Wizard of Oz (hint hint)
23) 67 days until I see my beautiful sister…yay!
24) Oh, and that reminds me….there is no comparison between my wonderful talented terrific sister and other people. I must have been on crack to think there were any similarities, total bad mind blowing crack
25) Who would name a Chihuahua "Killer Taco"?
26) What is the right decision?
27) Dee Dee is soooooooooooo mean, what a ho-ah!
28) What should I bring for lunch tomorrow? Salad (ick), maybe some beans and rice, or leftovers.
29) Ummmmmm, I just heard a bad word…
30) Got side tracked by an idea for a blog…another one! I am full of the written word at present. I’m just overflowing with witticisms lol

Completely Random Thoughts

Thoughts brought on by references to my hair:
1) I am feeling VERY Sharon today…poor everyone around me LOL
2) Writing letters that you never intend to send is good therapy
3) An old friend from junior high found me on MySpace…how cool is that?
4) My hair mocks me with its shortness
5) I need lunch today…lots of lunch…lots of meat…damn PMS
6) 41 days ‘til Christmas, ho, ho, fricking ho
7) Zebras, zebras everywhere and not a stripe in sight
8) Men shouldn’t wear baggy pants and go commando…its unattractive and much worse than camel toe
9) Leslie gives me this gibberish and expects me to quote it…
10) Just spent the MOST delightful 10 minutes talking to two older gentlemen who have traveled extensively. Apparently I still have a bit of Texas twang in my accent…who knew?
11) I found the BEST salt & vinegar chips to staunch my PMS cravings – Thunder Chips…yummy!
12) Got 3 more Twilight books to read this weekend. I should really take my time and savor them, but I probably won’t
13) This is just a theory, but if I were a stupid person, I probably wouldn’t go out of my way to prove it.
14) My desk organizer is not very organized…who da thunk?
15) Stapled my chip bag closed coz I was done…now I want another. The psyche is an odd thing, is it not?
16) My underwear keeps rolling down. Maybe I need to downsize?
17) Body odor should be a felony
18) Definitely intolerant of gluten
19) I need grownup clothes
20) I’m happy and I know it (clapped my hands), I’m happy and I know it (clapped my hands)…oops, phones ringing
21) 1st 5 songs on my computer (1) Waited for You (2) The Sweetest Thing I’ve Ever Known (3) Making Love Out of Nothing At All (4) Waiting for a Star to Fall (5) Everything I Do (I Do It For You) (are we sensing a theme?)
22) Last 5 songs on my computer (1) Secret Lovers (2) Stranger in My Place (3) I Want to Feel That Way Again (4) Tonight I Want to Cry (5) You Save Me (and yet another theme, lol not really I just like sad songs)
23) Perhaps my musical choices are the reason I’m so friggin’ depressed…hmmm, question to ponder.
24) Those Q-tips are still calling my name, or my ears, or whatever
25) Thinking of the snowman orgy…egads, I have SO many!
26) Apparently, according to my horoscope, I am excited about the prospect of enjoying myself today
27) Watching men come out of the restroom can be hysterical (okay….I can see the restrooms from my desk, I’m not a peeping Tammy)—they adjust, kick their legs, don’t wash their hands (ick!) scratch, it’s just a visual treat, glad I’m me
28) Daydreaming about country roads
29) My pits smell all powdery fresh
30) J Little fat Pilgrim people
31) Would it be freaky to just tweeze my leg hairs?
32) My desk is a sty; the Pilgrim people probably oink when I leave them unattended.
33) My hair is so soft and silky…too bad it looks like shit
34) Hope its not too late a night, I got stuff to do…like sleep and read and stuff
35) If you hear hoof beats, look for horses, not zebras (good rule of thumb)
36) Pictures of babies at the beach make me smile
37) What’s a 5 letter word for flinch?
38) Say it with me…no. See that wasn’t hard now, was it? Isn’t it a lot harder to face the wrath of an angry, shrilling harpy than a slighty disappointed yet understanding female in full control of her faculties? Say it again…noooo.
39) Dee Dee went home; I am all alone. I think I’ll go touch her stuff.
40) Sugar just crashed. I need a nap
41) So tired of the doom and gloom and end of the world—I want to hear HAPPY stuff!
42) Baby Ruth’s are kinda yucky…
43) Going to work on my 1150 calorie diet this weekend. I should have it all outlined by Monday and it will be shot be Monday afternoon. My appetite is crazy! I need ephedra
44) Oh, God! Sugar rush!!!! I need a bucket…blech!
45) I wonder where my Ipod is; gone, I’m guessing.
46) I get to watch the shuttle launch tonite….yay!
47) I am so nauseous I may barf in the trash can…freakin’ ghost gall bladder!
48) Apparently I look tired...is that the same as someone telling me I look like shit? Wake up at 4:30 a.m. every day and tell me how lively you'll look?
49) I have not the patience for this, so Lord give me strength to not go all white trash Betty on folks.
50) I feel the need for provocation....is that wrong?
51) No matter how many times I slide my phone, it won't turn into my mouse LOL

Completely Random Thoughts-Part 4

Thoughts brought on by the word exactly


1) I am an unsympathetic human being, especially if you’re a big PUSS!
2) Boys with their panties in a wad annoy me
3) When someone tells you that they’ll call you right back, stay by the phone
4) Calgon! Take me away!
5) Puff, puff, pass…it’s just fun to say J
6) Knights in shining armor atop noble white steeds, dragons and trolls slain willy-nilly…since when are fairy tales too much to ask?
7) If you work in a machine shop and you have boobies, they render you invisible
8) Personal aggravation leads to extreme irritation and to major "blowing things out of proportion" syndrome.
9) I need to start a support group –‘Over-reactors Anonymous…where we take shit personal’
10) Would it be easier if I wore a sign that said "go away, I hate you today"?
11) I’m hungry, I think I want crackers
12) Oooo, Q-tips, my ears feel dirty
13) Got my little tiny hairs put up…who woulda saw THAT coming? Lol
14) Hair’s down now, up, down, up, down just like the stock market…hate my hair
15) I think I’m gluten-intolerant, pretzels make me fluff
16) It’s funny when you try to do the right thing for people and they get all offended (maybe I’m just tactless)
17) I want to get Lili a baby doll for Christmas, but I’m worried about perpetuating the paternal-fascist agenda for our forebears. Besides, she seemed more interested in Grady’s truck than the doll Sara got her, although she did cuddle the doll a bit.
18) I apparently have a lot of country in my voice today.
19) Hope it won’t be a 7:00 nite again.
20) Its’ time for Jim to go home
21) I understand why you won’t write somebody a love song coz that I asked for it, but I would totally do because someone needed it.
22) Chicken for dinner again (sigh)
23) I love reading Maeve Binchy—she’s so Irish
24) Roddy just called, late night again. My cup runneth over.
25. I want chicken wings for dinner, the hotter the better, damn my ulcer to Siberia!

Completely Random Thoughts- part 3

Thoughts brought on by the phone ringing today....

1) A corndog at 6 am is not my friend
2) I need to quit messing with my hair or it will look greasy (could it be corndog grease?)
3) Not very photogenic here lately
4) My signature resembles that of a serial killer
5) Woo hoo! Got my necklace untangled!
6) I haven’t drawn any smiley faces on my calendar yet this month L
7) I want to write a poem about my Pilgrim people…but then I will have to do reflections on my snowman orgy… what to do, what to do
8) Machinists are prima donnas
9) The elderly think they have the inalienable right to be RUDE ASSED SCHMUCKS merely due to their antiquity AND they wear too much aftershave…I can barely breathe right now
10) My sister completely ROCKS…nuff said
11) Got Kansas totally on my brain…did I mention that I have a 3 hour layover in Atlanta both ways? Sigh, she who depends on the charity of others can’t bitch, I guess. Besides, I’m going to try to talk Mindy (yoo hoo, Mindy, read this!) into meeting me at the airport for a quick hug and beverage.
12) When did I start talking like a Valley Girl?
13) Gosh, it’s hot in my office.
14) I love Cheetos
15) What are the chances that folks will throw ME a birthday party? Probably slim to none…oh, well, I’m going to Kansas, so I don’t care
16) My hair…sigh
17) My lips are chapped…ow
18) Carmex and Coke don’t mix
19) I could braid the hair on my legs right now…love the fall!
20) Leslie is driving me nuts with the hiding stuff on my desk then MIRACULOUSLY finding it right before my eyes. What his agenda is in driving me STARK RAVING MAD escapes my comprehension…he’s such a dumbass.
21) I will not have a panic attack, I will not have a panic attack, I will not have a panic attack, (it’s not helping!)
22) I remember me before I was old and wrinkled with dull skin
23) Tamales are delicious
24) Delicious, deluscious, de hand spankin’ LMAO
25) Poor little crazy man…Leslie STAYS on my damn nerves!
26) Pain behind my left eye today…ouch.
27) It is my belief that nothing below the neck should be pierced.
28) Initiative is neither encouraged or welcome at Apple Machine.
29) REALLY not feeling my hair
30) Hope I’m not at the office until 7 pm again tonite
31) Did I really just promise that?
32) Its just disturbing to watch some people suck lollipops, you know?

Ode to the Pilgrim People

Ode to the Pilgrim People

Oh, Pilgrim people, so plump and brown,
When you make your appearance,
I know the holidays have come around
Squat and serene, somberly atop my shelf
I just want to salt and pepper a-frenzy,
Unable to help myself
Memories of the holidays past,
Always heralded by your ad
Come flooding back with abandon
Making me smile, tear and laugh

You go home with me on Thanksgiving,
And then again on Christmas day
Other than that, here at work you will stay
Oh, Pilgrim people, my dear Pilgrim folks
Your presence on my desk has long been a joke
But as you cavort merrily each day (at least in my mind)
You’re a small reminder of the Season
And I try to be kind

Completely Random Thoughts- part 2

1) Apparently, when I want to talk, it's not that important
2) Even if people whose opinions I value, either for its honesty or insight, like something, it doesn’t help if I’m in the middle of a hair crisis.
3) I’m not vain, I’m self-conscious, there’s a difference.
4) God made puppies irresistible.
5) Uniform pants…sigh, not every man can wear them with impunity.
6) From what I have observed lately, a guilty conscience can be a motherf*cker—glad I’m not afflicted.
7) Boy, I miss my digital camera.
8) My granddaughter has enough personality for 3 grown drag queens.
9) Body language…..hmmm, fact or fiction?
10) Passive/aggressive behavior is the coward’s way out.
11) I may be a packrat…
12) The Explorer needs a new fuel filter.
13) My laundry pile is faintly resembling an Indian burial mound—not quite a mountain, but much more involved than a hill.
14) I’m really not feeling the snowman orgy this year, but I’ll give it one last go.
15) Even if you don’t want to say ‘no’, if you don’t say ‘yes’, then in fact, you are saying ‘no’ by default. Not being brave enough to face the fall out is no excuse to be evasive. And, in fact, by not being forthcoming, you have indeed precipitated the event you were hoping to avoid. (lol…bet Leslie won’t ask me if Jim’s still here or not anytime soon)
16) Not looking forward to the pelvic exam…wonder if the Dr. will grope my boobs again, since he already did it last month. If he does, should I look at him askance?
17) My bedroom is disgusting.
18) Out of sight, out of mind only works if you have a crappy memory.
19) I need to see the ocean, or a mountain or the Ozarks in the fall—something indescribably beautiful and serene and soul-settling.
20) Hate is a horrible, sordid word; sadly, it is still the only word I’m working with sometimes.
21) Work has been slow today.
22) Blood is thicker than water…always. No matter the length of time or the depth of allegiance, there is no loyalty among strangers.
23) Andy Griffith is quality televison as is M*A*S*H.
24) He thought he had found a ‘hot tamale’ when what he really ended up with was a ‘pig in a blanket’…lol, found that on a website and it made me giggle.
25) PMS equals lots of food, bitchy attitude and the deep dark—good week to be me!
26) I can wear ivory, or cream, or ecru, but not white. Does that make me a fall or a winter?
27) Not terribly thirsty today.
28) I put my Pilgrim people (from the Publix commercial) on my desk last week. Color me in the holiday spirit.
29) I want a new vampire book.
30) According to the fashion guru (that would be my sister) women over 30 should not wear tube tops and mini skirts—I guess I need new clothes.
31) Slight headache behind my right eye and it is ouchie.
32) Someone told me today that I worry about what other people think too much—I don’t think I do, I just don’t live in a self-involved, egocentric bubble where I can afford to let #3 (the real Sharon) out to play. Sometimes it really sucks to be me, but that’s the price of living in a society with some rules.
33) On my computer stand: Pilgrim people, ladybug cake decoration, micrometer, staple puller, race car (McDonalds toy), calculator slash level slash tape measure slash pencil, shot glass from Hawaii filled with Sweet-n-Low, assorted business cards, pics of Lili, Grady and KK, note that says “bronze is by the inch”, a straight quilter’s pin, a daily reminder of patience and sacrifice, a shell with my name on it, 15 CD’s, post it notes, Eclipse gum, Pocket Ref (full of handy dandy formulas), and a sign that says “Sharon Rocks”

So here's the picture

Okay, here are the infamous tube top and party hair pictures....I don't want to hear ONE negative word, do you hear me, Laura Beth? I think I was pretty fetching, personally!

Dieting- the X-rated version

DISCLAIMER: I am going to use very bad words in the following blog...read at your ownrisk!

I HATE fucking salad! I hate fucking chicken! I am so tired of shittin' assed chicken and salad I could puke! I'm going to start shitting feathers, I've eaten so much fucking chicken!!!!!!! I'm fucking TIRED of being on a diet. Why the hell am I trying to lose weight? Oh, I know all the bullshit about being healthy, loving yourself and all that crap but I want french fries...and a cookie...and ice cream...and a glass of sweet tea! Oh, oh, and I want a fried burrito and pretzels with sour cream...and another cookie!

***The cardiologist's diet: If it tastes good, spit it out. ~Author Unknown Aint that the fricking truth?

***One should eat to live, not live to eat. ~Cicero, I'm thinking if you aren't enjoying what you eat, living gets kind of crappy too, you know?

***In the Middle Ages, they had guillotines, stretch racks, whips and cahins. Nowadays, we have a much more effective torture device called the bathroom scale. ~Stephen Phillips And that lying piece of shit said 3 pounds--only 3 pounds in 10 days....what's the freaking point?

***Reality check: you can never, ever, use weight loss to solve problems that are not related to your weight. At your goal weight or not, you still have to live with yourself and deal with your problems. You will still have the same husband, the same job, the same kids, and the same life. Losing weight is not a cure for life. ~Phillip C. McGraw Okay, so maybe I was trying to lose weight for the wrong reasons, but at least they were GOOD reasons (to me anyway), but now that I've been convinced to do it for me, my hearts just not in it anymore, you know?

***The one way to get thin is to re-establish a purpose in life. ~Cyril Connolly Evidently, my purpose sucks or I just haven't established it properly

***If hunger is not the problem, then eating is not the solution. ~Author Unknown I know, I know what the problem is, but I could beat it down with french fries, I just know I could!

***Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels. ~Author Unknown Sigh, I know this is true...my new size is a 12 down from an 18W, so it DOES make me happy...I still want a cookie

***Food is like sex: when you abstain, even the worst stuff begins to look good. ~Beth McCollister Yeh, nuff said

All this aside, I stick to my eat regimen, even with people ordering McDonalds and Dales BBQ and onion rings and clam chowder all around me...and I lift my little weights and I drink my water and I eat 3 times a day whether I want to or not....

...and I walk everyday even when I don't want to. I walk in rain, sun, haze, heat, wind, humidity, everything but pitch black downpours. When I'm being argumentative with myself (like I am above) and think I should lose more weight considering how much I walk, I have to stop and remember that its not just the physical aspects of walking that lure me, but that great quiet quality time with myself and my psyche which makes it sooo worth it. So I will continue to watch what I eat so that I can walk longer and faster and more often--that part I really do do for me.

Thoughts come clearly while one walks. ~Thomas Mann

Happy again today

So I'm happy again today...it's crazy, I know. Why am I happy? I'm not sure, but good conversations, lots of laughs, and tons of the warm fuzzies probably had a lot to dowith it. Sometimes I know what a lucky girl I am. I feel loved and cherished and appreciated....that really rocks!
So here's to my manic period--may it last for more than a day!
Guess what? I've been married almost 22 years...yay, me, talk about giving it the old grad school try!
Oh, here's a pic of the straight hair and glasses. Being a child of the 80s, its hard to have straight hair. I feel naked without big hair and 2 pounds of Aqua Net, but folks seem to dig it and I don't have to look at me, so there you go.

Some days

Today is a day that I am happy. Occasionally I am deliriously happy for moments. I had a day like that today. Sometimes laughter will do that for me and I laughed quite a bit. Thank you for that, btw. :-)

Good hair day! Straight as a stick hair coupled with my glasses (which I don't like myself in), somehow I have apparently hit a good look for myself. Who knew? I don't rally like it but what are you going to do?

Enough about that...

I Need to Remember...

I went scrapbooking yesterday and it was great. There was only a moment or 5 where it wasn't too much fun, but I put it behind me, decided I would deal with it later and move on. I got four pages done...yes, me. I was there about 9 hours altogether, so thats pretty good for me.





I have had to make a harsh decision that's going to sting like crazy for probably a very long time, but I have to do it. I've spent a very large part of my life thinking I needed to change, that I wasn't good enough or whatever, but I had worked through it for the most part...now I've allowed myself to start believing it again. And for what? Nothing positive, that's for sure. Nothing like being hit in the face with a wet salmon to get the point. Pray for me to have the strength to carry through on this, because it's like crack...it really is.
I'll remember what's important, keep it ahead of me like some kind of talisman and say, NO, that's enough....
So here's to the important things in my life

grandbabies, my children, my family, my few friends, and my health

I need to remember that life's only fun and games for the people without any conscience, that I am a responsible adult and enough is enough

Starting a new week

So it was weigh day and I only went down 1.5 pounds. I guess that's better than gaining weight, but I wish it would come off faster. I won't get discouraged, I'll keep walking and so forth and I will be successful. Besides, if I lose 1.5 pounds every 2 weeks, I will be goal weight by my birthday and that's all that matters. I might not be able to pull of the Nurse Feelgood costume for Halloween. I'll have to come up with something else. Here's an idea I had, what do ya'll think?
Lord, I apologize, I'll try to be better tomorrow...
Anyway, here's to turning over new leaves, counting my blessings (thank you, Lord, for my health and to the rest of you for your prayers)and being content with the battles I've won and acceptance of a war I never can and no longer want to.

Just a laid back day

Finally slept almost all night...woke up at 5:30, yay! Too bad I had to take Sominex to do it. Laid around, watched tv movies, gamed a little, rested a lot. Josh and Allyson took us out to lunch which was good, but I don't think weigh day is going to be a success tomorrow. Oh, well, time to do a u-turn and get back to the healthy way of eating.

I'm striking the d-word from my vocabulary. That would be 'diet' to you and me. I'm just going to eat healthy and continue exercising. It will come off slowly, but it WILL come off. I got a jump start with Atkins, but that's no way to eat for the rest of my life. I'm choosing a 10-20-30 approach (kind of like the Zone), gonna watch the calories in, calories out thing, walk at least 30 minutes a day, do some free weights a couple of times a week, take my vitamins, journal my food intake and drink plenty of water. Be healthy and everything else will fall into place, right?
I'm bored and I need snuggles. Wonder what it be like to have someone hug me everyday and kiss me goodbye or hello or for any dumb reason at all? Considering my touchlessness, I would probably hate it. Yeh, I'll keep telling myself that. Maybe then my life won't seem so grim. It's hard to believe I've been married almost 22 years. That doesn't seem so long until you have had to live it. That's not fair, I guess. It hasn't always been bad...or that bad for all that. Certain memories like when Allyson was born, or our 1st trip to Estero Island or sledding on an air mattress in Missouri...good times.
The sad part is that as lonely and alone and sad as I am, he probably is too. There's a song that goes "there was this woman and there was this man and there was this moment they had a chance to hold on to what they had"...guess we just never had enough to try to hold on to. Sad, desperately, terribly sad.

Things men never say and really should

1. "I'll take care of it..."

2. "Your hair looks nice..." it should NEVER be preceded by the words "What did you do?" or said in a smart-assed way to point out that you weren't listening.

3. "Here, let me do that"...doesn't count if it in relationship to running the remote control, drive, roll a doob, you know...manly stuff

4. "You look tired, let me ___________" (fill in the blank)

5. "Your butt looks really good in those jeans"

6. "I'm going to give you a break and let you relax: (laughing hysterically only hurts their feelings so try and resist... you and I know its going to take Go-Jo and SOS pads to clean up afterward, but hey, he did try)

7. "I saw this and thought of you..." (this should never involve cleaning equipment, porn or anything to do with pickled sausage)

8. "I heard a song on the radio and it made me miss/think/dream of you" (if this is followed by the song "Crazy Bitch" played at maximum volume, punch him in the nards and then stomp off)

9. "You look nice today" WARNING: if this is immediately followed by a request for noggin, it's null and void.

10. "I'm such a lucky man" - doesn't count if he's referring to the lottery, fishing or scoring side tang.

I am tired of waiting

I am tired of waiting and planning and deciding and preparing. I want my future now! I want to know what is going on with my boob, my life, my love and all that good crap. I want to know... I don't want 262 more days of waiting and frustration and pain. I want to be done...just not "done". I don't feel as if I have really lived my life yet and that makes me sad and angry and disappointed in myself. I'm not going to start making bargains and deals and resolutions if I am healthy, but I am going to make some choices in the next few weeks. A very good friend told me I was tough and could stick it out, but I think that's just a cop out for me. What to do, what to do?

lump

Found a lump...scared, terrified, don't really know if that covers it. Calling the doctor tomorrow...wish now I hadn't skipped that last appointment. Karma?

Step into my parlor

I'm trying on this mysterious, behind-the-scenes, Black Widow spinning her web thing and while it may seem completely incongruous to people who know me, the people who really know me are saying "wth?"
The only thing I can't figure out is what I'm spinning for. Am I trying to ensnare someone? And if I am, who? The web has many radials, many paths and I am just trying to find the one that gives my heart peace.
You can't catch what you already have, you can't find out what you already know, you can't travel the twisted road the same way every time.

It's Sunday Morning

It was weigh day...only down a couple of pounds. I'm really disappointed but I'll try harder next two weeks. My clothes are really loose so that should be a better indicator, but I would really like to see the scale go down more.
Let's see, the week in a nutshell:
work, work, work, got grumpy and pissy and almost wrecked important things, got over it, made nice and then got the fright of my life. But everything turned out okay, thank God. Sometimes being really scared puts things in perspective. You think about what matters, what doesn't and how sometimes its confusing about which is which.
I know what is important--the simple grocery list of things that everyone says and believes and I believe it too. My family is important, my health is becoming more important and such things like that. My family is the MOST important thing to me. BUT...there is always the but. Something missing that I can't quite put my finger on.
Any thoughts?

I need to breathe

I’m just sitting here getting angrier and angrier. It feels like sitting in front of a fire. No matter where I turn, that side gets warm too. No, maybe its more like walking into a pool of water. If I keep walking, more of me gets wet, but if I stand still, I’m still not dry because I’m still in the water. Or maybe it’s like induced childbirth. The pain keeps hitting you, you can’t get on top of the contractions because they started out too big and the painkiller doesn’t work.
Evidently the band-aid that I’ve slapped on my broken brain is only good for minor scrapes and boo boos. It can’t handle PMS, family pressure, stress, constant waves of disappointment and worry coupled with my normal malfunctioning synapses.
Its not so much not being in my happy place as being in the dark place. Deep down in the dark desperate black. The black that has that angry red tone when exposed to the light. The dark that sends me looking for a closet with a door that can shut out all the light and noise and smells and the business of life. I’m too old for a closet now, it would just look weird, but today I need to be removed from people. People suck and I don’t want them around me, no matter who they are. This next remark should not be taken to heart by the people who think that it doesn’t pertain to them: people suck; even the best most wonderful people in the world are manipulative using the love and care and devotion and loyalty in others to satisfy their own means and ends.
I love my family and friends but right now I just wish I were free of the constant outside bombardment of need and justification and secrecy and relief. It’s a physical thing that tires me and wears me down to the ground. I need to breathe.

Starting over

I am going to start blogging here instead of Myspace, coz apparently I am buying in to the drama and actually probably prolonging it. The way I see it, if that whore comes looking for a blog here, she deserves what she reads, don't you agree?
Anyway, just wanted you to know that I had returned. I'll start adding baby pictures and news updates and all the snatch info you can stand.
Love you!